Dispatch of the Day - 7th May 2008

So we start with Bendy Wendy. What will the less than Bendy Brown have to say about her recent statements? Ignore the question? Skirt around the issue? Not a chance, he seems to have heard something completely different to the rest of us so has no problem denying that she has called for an early referendum. Wasn't expecting that, even from Brown. Cameron gladly accepts this open goal, brown is 'losing touch with reality' he says and proceeds to quote Ms Alexander and add a nice jibe about no one following Gordon Brown.

Prisons next and the Post Offices and the point here being to prove that Brown doesn't listen (following on from last week where he refused to listen to the former director of Public Prosecutions). Brown sluggishly hauls himself to the Dispatch box after every question but Cameron springs up eagerly after every reply. You can see which one is enjoying today. Cameron's parting gifts to Brown are rants about the lack of leadership and vision of the Labour party and a bit of personal abuse to boot.

Cameron really piled the pressure on today and scored some decent goals. Brown finished in a stronger fashion than he started but the damage was already done. His response to the questions on Bendy Wendy really defied belief. Nick Robinson calls it 'Brownspeak', I have another word for it, also beginning with B.

Result 1 - 3

Dispatch of the Day - 30th April 2008

So to continue last weeks theme of embarrassing climbdowns from Captain Brown, Cameron opens up with the suggestion that he will have to make major con sessions on the government's proposals for detention without charge. Brown simply says he will put the proposals to the House. Fair enough. He then tries to suggest that all the parties support the need for exceptions to be made in the cases of serious terrorists, but he stumbles over his words and ends up mumbling to himself.

Cameron quotes the Director of Pubic Prosecutions - "we do not perceive any need for the period of 28 days to be increased" and "our experience is that we have managed comfortably with 28 days". Why will the Prime Minister not listen to him asks Cameron? Brown ignores the question but instead says the police and Lord Carlise have both backed the idea of increasing the detention period. Brown then suggests that not to would give oxygen to terrorists and that the Tories should be ashamed of itself.

So here we are, a little bit of gentle sparring and now back to the 'deeper message' both sides are looking to get across.

Cameron quotes some Labour MPs in an attempt to show that Brown is only concerned with his own view. Brown then complains that Cameron won;t deal with the 'substantial issue'. Oddly Cameron is able to counterclaim that the Tories have addressed the substantial issues and goes on to list their policy ideas. And Cameron continues his line on Brown, how long will he ignore his parties wishes and will they get a vote of conscience on the proposals? Brown skips answering this, simply saying it will go before the house, I doubt the truth would be popular so I guess we'll have to wait to find out.


Cameron suggests the the DPP would know more on the subject than the Prime Minister, so why won't he listen? So Gordon, will this be subject to a vote as a matter of conscience?...Same answer from Brown, it will go before the House. This sets up Cameron nicely for his repost - "everyone knows what is going to happen: another rebellion, another backdown, another U-turn, and the collapse of stout party". There is reference to the recent 10p tax fiasco and then Cameron's finish with a flourish (which the Speaker interrupts) "The Prime Minister is putting political calculation and self-interest ahead of the right decisions and the national interest".

Brown again complains that Cameron won't address the substantive issue, but by the time he has finished saying it everyone has stopped listening.

Brown was at his bumbling, arrogant worst but Cameron failed to score any real blows.

Result 1 - 1

Dispatch of the Day - 23rd April 2008

10p or not 10p.....

So, the MPs are back and straight into the thick of it after Brown's climbdown over the 10p taxband. Plenty of political capital to be made here so I foresee a battle of the soundbites. Who will get their quote onto the afternoon news?

Cameron - Today's session should be called Prime Ministers U-turns....massive loss of authority....panic concessions

Brown - Tories are the 'no, don't know, yes party'

Cameron - Pathetic figure...why not be straight with people?

Brown - No quotes just waffle

Cameron - Weakness and dithering by the PM....tax-con budget

Brown - (Tories) no credibility...not a party cares about the poor

Cameron - (Labour) always about politics, not about policy...calculation not conviction...(Brown's) self interest not the national interest...Can the PM's reputation ever recover?

Brown - A million pensioners out of poverty...a million children taken out of poverty...

Cameron - 600,000 more people in extreme poverty...(Brown's) massive loss of authority...Lord Desai said Brown's leadership style was like porridge, Another week and it will be like Cheerios....Loser not a leader

Brown - Why does he never address the central issues....I know what side the country is on

Cameron - weakness....humiliating climbdown...weak and incompetent government...enough is enough...

Brown - We are for opportunity for everyone. They are for opportunism in everything.

And just for good measure Captain Clegg weighs into Brown, despite a barracking from Labour MPs. Well done Cleggy for holding your nerve. Nice quote from him as he relishes sticking the knife into Brown - I thought penalising the poor to reward the rich was the job of the Conservative party, Why is he doing the Tories' job for them?...what is the point of this pointless prime minister?

Brown won't have enjoyed today, he has been humiliated. Nick Robinson gives a good commentary of the ten pence tax rate trip up...now there's a mouthful

Result 1 - 3

Dispatch of the Day - 2nd April 2008

The Captains are away for the week so we'll count this one as a friendly.

Harman is in for the Reds, Hague for the Blues and a welcome return for Captain Cable!

An easy one on Zimbabwe to start the lady off and an easy one from Hague allows her to get her retaliation in first with a jibe at Theresa May. So, the gloves are off but presumably the stab vest remains. Hague’s repost about wearing a clown suit to cabinet meetings is a good one but if all the 2 stand-ins are going to do is woodenly trade jokes then this is going to be dull.

And so it is.

Blah blah.....baseball cap....blah blah....basic rate of tax...blah blah....remember what it was like under the Tories....zzzzzz...labour is out of touch.....no we're not.

Hague is well off form and Harman is wooden and unable to cope with anything slightly off brief.

Vince Cable's contribution turns the whole thing to farce.

Poor show all round

Result 0 - 0

I'm sure there will be commentators who claim a brilliant victory for Harriet and those who claim she was flat. I don't suppose once the day is out, either side will want to remember this session.

Dispatch of the Day - 26th March 2008

I can't believe it. Cameron goes on the economy and doesn't suffer a crashing defeat.

The first question is on the FSA and it's recent damning report. Should the Bank of England take the lead Captain Cameron asks? Brown responds by saying the FSA has done a good job, but also needs to improve. He also quotes Frederick Forsyth who says Cameron has 'no basic grasp of arithmetic'. Pretty pathetic in my eyes, and Cameron agrees.

So Mr Brown, can you name 1 other major country that has responded to the economic downturn by putting up taxes? Nope. Another chance for Cameron to suggest that Britain should have been putting something away while times were good. We're investing, claims Brown. Cameron's next attack is on the price rises people see on milk, eggs, petrol et al. So this is it Gordon, your big chance to slam Cameron and the Tories over their economic record. Open goal.....and he fires wide! Brown claims the Tories want to cut tax to the tune of £10bn and will follow the same model as they did in 1992. And who prey tell was an economic advisor during that dark time in the 90s? Captain Cameron. Surely you can do better than that Gordon? Cameron jumps straight back up, and the theme of 'Brown won't answer the question' comes back into play. To demonstrate his mastery of basic arithmetic Cameron scoffs 'One prime minister plus one chancellor equals economic incompetence'. Brown hits back with a jibe about slogans over substance but he must know in his heart that he has messed this one up a bit. He said all the right things about unemployment, recession and interest rates and so on but he failed to make anything of it. I honestly can't believe this opportunity to slam Cameron has been lost so cheaply.

So, no news here today. Brown doesn't like answering questions or admitting he was wrong. The Tories were in power the last time the economy went belly up and favour slogans over substance.

Better again from Clegg, although he was again swatted away a little to easily. Nice questions on home repossessions I thought.

Result 1 - 1

I can hardly believe it.

Dispatch of the Day - 19th March 2008

Bit of an odd start this week, Cameron goes on China/Tibet and uses his second question to congratulate Brown on making the right decision over the Dalai Lama and not delaying the decision. Brown doesn't really know what to make of it and as he remains seated roars of laughter come from the Tory benches. It seems as if Brown may have inadvertently answered Cameron's second question on the Dali Lama before he had a chance to ask it. I don't suppose Cameron's plan was to praise the PM. Brown's quip about all his decisions being correct brings more laughter from all sides of the House (and my desk).

After only 2 questions Nick Clegg is allowed a stab at the PM and unsurprisingly brings up the issue of Gurkha's pensions and rights to remain the UK after bravely serving in the British Army. Personally I can't see much justification for Brown's position and his answer doesn't really give one. He jumps to Iraq for his second question, which I was surprised at. He should have stayed on the Gurkha question especially with the protests going on outside the House. Clegg seemed much more confident today and really had the bit between his teeth but his second question was batted away rather easily by Brown.

Cameron's second set of questions is more of the sort I had been expecting. With the economic bad news featuring in the media daily, there is no need to have a go at Brown on such issues. His questions hark back to previous ones, which Brown has failed to answer. So first up - the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill and the whipping of the peers and the potential for MPs to be whipped on matters of conscience. I have previously expressed my views on this but still Brown refuses to answer saying that the party will decide in due time. Cameron snipes back at him before moving on to ID cards. Brown says he is still in favour (a pretty straight answer) but then follows this with a direct question to Cameron about compulsory ID cards for foreign nationals. Firstly, this practice is incredibly annoying. Secondly, it sets Cameron up (and weeks ago I made the same comment) for a easy goal - Call that election and you can have 6 questions every week.

Ed Balls, after his performance at the budget, gets nicely put in his place by Cameron - "nice to see him sitting quietly" - before he moves onto A levels. Cameron wants them to stay as the gold standard, does Brown? Obviously, there is currently a ..... wait for it....government review on the subject and Brown won't commit pas the review date. Now for the killer blow and an open goal for anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of Google. David Muir is the new strategist at No 10, and can you guess the title of his favourite book? The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organisations. Everyone has a good laugh and Brown's reputation takes a big hit.

Brown answers by saying that Cameron has not gone on the economy or health service because the Conservatives 'have no answers to the problems of this country'. And what problems we have.

Result 1 - 2

Happy Easter

Additional costs 'top trumps'

Additional Costs Allowance for my MP

2006/07 (ranking out of 645) - £8,502 (571st)
2005/06 - £10,027
2004/05 (ranking out of 659) - £9,537 (570th)
2003/04 (ranking out of 658) - £10,524 (557th)
2002/03 (ranking out of 657) - £9,254 (592nd)
2001/02 (ranking out of 657) - £9,232 (575th)

From here...

The list of what counts as an additional cost is here

How has yours done? can you top trump me? Have a look here for the 2006/7 breakdown.

The maximum claim per year is £22,100 and doubtless the MPs will claim that the 'John Lewis list' details the maximum they can claim and the figures should not be used to beat them around the head. So the number of members claiming between £20,000 and the maximum...388 by my count! 184 of those claimed the maximum.